Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Misanthropy

I find misanthropy to be an interesting topic, and it is one I spend a bit of time thinking about.

Being a misanthrope myself, I have often tried to identify from where those feelings sprung up. As a child, I was about as optimistic and naively friendly as they come. Bullying, I'm sure, played no small part in my elected loneliness today.

But there is more too it. I learned to be alone. I grew up spending an enormous amount of time by myself, entertaining myself. Having a very small number of friends all throughout my life, and no siblings until I was too old too appreciate them, I spent the majority of my time in my own head.

I really learned to enjoy my own company.

There is a feeling of liberation that comes along with the realization that you don't really need other people. Frankly, I'm sick of discussing my personal issues here; for anyone reading, I just want this blog to be entertaining. I will probably just shut the whole thing down and start anew once I figure out what it is I want to talk about. I am more or less using this as a personal space to toss things against the wall right now. But without dwelling too much on the topic, once I started to get out my emotional slump, people began to lose their meaning again for me.

I guess people are, for me, what Christianity is for other folks. When I am happy and healthy I don't give a damn about them. When I am vulnerable, I tend to seek out their company. It's actually a personal flaw that I am none too pleased about, to be honest; at my best, people are almost completely useless to me, and it is nice to have that independence from them, to be able to revel in my own privacy. But I am a human, and I will probably always seek out the company of other humans.

I like women best of course, mainly my wife, and partially because the sex is so damn good. I like raising my daughter. I have a couple of friends I like to waste time with.

Everyone else, and this is quite a predictable statement if you know me at all, can shove it and go fuck themselves. I put up with them, a lot of them aren't half bad, but I'm pretty comfortable without a mess of them around bothering me constantly; and some of them do bother me quite a lot.

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