I like to think I'm made of better stuff than wasting my time playing video games and farting all day.
I'm probably wrong.
Over the course of the last couple of months, the things I have taken interest in have changed dramatically. This was orchestrated on purpose; with a mind made of putty right now, I want to mold it with decent stuff.
Of course, I read; a lot. I spend most of my day reading. The reason is simple; to keep my mind active. When my mind is stagnant, I start feeling shitty again. The medication helps, but only so much; I have to work at things as well. A busy mind is a happy one.
Apart from that, I've found two sort of bizarre "non-hobbies". They aren't something I can necessarily actively do, like reading a book or playing a game, they are just things I am interested in.
The first is an obsession with the consumption of Capsaicin, that nasty little chemical inside hot peppers that makes them hot. I collect hot sauces, and repeatedly torture myself and build up my tolerance level. It seems sort of vague and passive, but when I am concocting new habanero recipes on a daily basis and searching for new peppers and sauces and products, it can actually be pretty involving. I can eat hotter things than a lot of people.
The second is pin up art and photography. I am a fetishist. I really enjoy nylons and heels, and have always had a near obsessive fascination with the female form. It's not just masturbatory; the art I am interested in often centers around women. They are the last bastion of any goodness the human race has to offer, and it is due to their natural, curvy beauty. Of course, women these days don't always get that, and often dress like shit. But pin ups from the fifties and sixties never fail me. I have a few artbooks, and am starting to collect other pieces; I have a growing fascination with Bettie Page. This is as close to a "manly" hobby as I am willing to have, and some may find it strange, but I'd rather have hot chicks on my walls than sports memorabilia. I've never been interested in the closet faggotry of organized sports. I'd rather dive head first into an active volcano than watch "the game", no matter what that game happens to be.
I have a sexual drive the size of a pick up truck. It's an irrefutable part of my personality. I prefer the company of women due to their natural aesthetic beauty, which is ENTIRELY SEXIST. But you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm a bit prejudiced in other ways, too. Hell, in todays day an age, that is one other thing that sets me apart from the rabble, so I'm willing to embrace it rather than run away from it; I'd rather be pegged as a chauvinist (however unfairly) than "fit in" with overly PC hipster Liberal types. Fuck them in the mouth.
I'm also growing increasingly fascinated with BDSM, mostly the history of it. I'd wager I'm probably somewhat submissive under a female hand, no doubt a fact that goes hand in hand with my worship of women in some way. I don't mind when a bitch raps my ass with a bit of wood as long as I'm allowed to come at the end of it; if I'm not in too much pain to do so.
See? THIS is why I never changed the name of my blog. I AM a fucking degenerate.