Friday, January 25, 2013

Feeling the Darkness

If I were to explain to someone what draws me to "dark things", if someone were to ask my why I have a red card from the Church of Satan and why I'm fascinated with the occult, horror stories, and other macabre topics, my answer would be very simple.

I have only thought of this answer in terms of Satanism, since that has been a driving force in my life for some time. Lately I have been studying Satanism more and really diving into what attracted me to the Church of Satan in the first place. It would go something like this.

To me, Satanism is not just a simple excuse to embrace dark things, or to be obsessed with anything "evil", taking on some inverted characteristic of Christianity as a propulsion method towards a sinister lifestyle. Satanism is dualistic in nature; there is both light and darkness inherent in nature, and there is no real reason to show favoritism toward one or the other.

In the day, I don't walk around with a brooding, sinister face. I take my daughter to the park. I enjoy walks in the sun. I grab an ice cream. At night, I embrace the silence and the eery desolation of the highway while thundering orchestra booms through my radio. I turn off all the lights and indulge my carnal self.

Growing up in a forest town, where the winters were dark and cold, and spending time in the primordial forests alone, often scared, but always curious, I was drawn to the occult out of boredom, and there was a strong connection made between that and my younger nature walks. This was the closest feeling I have ever had to experiencing "dark forces" of nature, and it is one I greatly miss. I can ressurect it even in this big city where I live by surrounding myself with things that bring back nostalgic memories of it, or simply by sitting outside at night and watching the cold wind blow through the tall, waving pines. This is an experience many would associate with being "creepy" or "eery", but for a kid who grew up around Ouija boards and in haunted houses, it's just a good old fashioned memory.

Satanism is unique in this experience. Unlike more "extreme" devil worship or other cults centered squarely around all things miserable and foreboding, Satanism recognizes the power of this duality. There is good and evil everywhere, if you believe in such things; whether the lights are on or off doesn't alter its existence. For the unmoral, for the carnal, "good" is what we like, and it can be found just about anywhere.

"Bad" is what we don't like, and it is avoided at all costs; for some of us, there just happens to be a lot more of it walking around in the daytime, usually pushing strollers full of whining brats or stumbling drunk to an after party or a football game.

I'll take the darkness any day. At least it is usually nice and quiet.

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